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night owl

  • Short Story » Romantic, General Re: Intermission

    Interesting concept. You lost me a little bit as you went on just because, being a rather non-emotional person, it seemed sappy to me. That's a minimal critique, though, because ...

    May 14, 2011
  • Short Story » Romantic, General Re: Don't Greet Me

    Hey! Looks like all the grammar nitpicks have already passed through so I'll skip my usual thorough examination. This was really cute! How did you come up with the concept? ...

    May 14, 2011
  • Short Story » General, General Re: No. 11

    This was a little unexpected. When I clicked on it, I didn't know what to expect and I certainly was surprised. It's great, but to me, you're walking the fine ...

    May 14, 2011
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: The Darkness

    I didn't find any outstanding grammatical errors, which I'm usually apt to spot, but I felt like this was trying to be mysterious, but was a little overt. It needs ...

    Jan 30, 2011
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Footsteps

    This was a little strange because I didn't understand the context nor the ending. If there is more to this story posted, you should let people know and maybe that ...

    Jul 18, 2010
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Abandoning Fear

    This was interesting. I can't say that I understand the premise, but I see what you're getting at. I think you could even elaborate if you wanted to and create ...

    Jul 18, 2010
  • Short Story » General, General Re: A Shard of Bone

    It was nothing more than a cruel recapitulation. So he surrendered easily, like the flowers forfeiting at the first breath of death. How is leaving flowers that die a cruel ...

    Jun 25, 2010
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Untitled Story (Part 1)

    A little creepy, but great work. I'll admit that I'm a little weirded out by the exaggerated imagery and the talking ant. You have an interesting way of revealing backstory ...

    Jun 25, 2010
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Fight For Words

    Consequently, if he did fight Daniel, was his reputation worth sacrificing his perfect record? I'm not sure that "consequently" is the word you want to use here. The second part's ...

    Jun 25, 2010
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Tears Fall

    This was really good! Just one nitpick. What if, you thout Change it to "thought". I think it's just a typo. I really like the kind of twisted plot and ...

    Jun 25, 2010
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: The Price of a Vampire (2 of 2)

    Not a word was breathed I have my doubts about this, but that's entirely your artistic choice. It just seemed a little odd to me. But if you their sold ...

    Jun 25, 2010
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: The Price of a Vampire (Part 1 of 2)

    By simply being here, all of them had broken the law This is a little awkward to me. Maybe say, "by simply being here, a law had been broken." I ...

    Jun 25, 2010
  • Short Story » Romantic, General Re: And I Never Said I Wanted Honesty

    This seems really powerful, but it doesn't seem like there's enough detail. I think you were trying to be intentionally ambiguous, but that some of the meaning was lost because ...

    Sep 22, 2009
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: The Battle of the Nek: A Short War Poem.

    I'm a total history nerd, but not much of a poet. I therefore, like the topic a lot. I can't decide, though, if it was about the French during World ...

    Sep 21, 2009
  • Short Story » Action / Adventure, General Re: Moonlit Abhorrence

    It's a good idea, though you've not revealed much of the story so far. You do need to watch your word choice, though. I think that you're trying to use ...

    Sep 20, 2009


I can factcheck ur flashback outfits
— SirenCymbaline